Digging Deep

Some people are dreamers and some people are do-ers. I’ve got a tattoo on my right arm that in Chinese reads “With determination and purpose anything can be achieved” (and yes, I had a good friend check the translation beforehand – I’m not interested in debates about whether Chinese tattoos are cool, I like it, along with the other tattoo covering most of my upper left arm thankyou very much), but now I’m starting to doubt that.

After dropping my guitar on my foot a week ago, things haven’t healed as quickly as I’d hoped for. I got it x-rayed after going through to hospital last week, which revealed a lot of brusing to the bridge and the first two metatarsals, but no indication of any underlying fractures. That said, it’s still incredibly uncomfortable walking, and when I then take the weight of it and sit down, very painful.

6 months ago I was mentally strong enough to just roll with it, fly to Japan, and make the most of it. Never say never, but now I’m just drained from the weight of everything else, and when am I going to get the chance to go to Japan from a time + money point of view in the future? Back at the doctors in a couple of hours to see what the deal is, but it’s looking unlikely I’ll be going. Seems so stupid to miss out on such an amazing trip over an injury like this, but am I going to fully appreciate Japan and enjoy it if I’m struggling to walk around and meant to be on + off trains, wandering around temples + shrines, up + down hills, in + out of bunk beds in hostels, etc.? If I’m not in the right frame of mind mentally, is it the right time to go to Japan, or will going anyways clear everything up and give me a refreshed view on things?

Realistically, not being able to walk properly without discomfort and pain over-rides how I feel mentally about it all, and risking further damage isn’t ideal, nor would a lack of medical coverage by travelling with an injury like this. I’m terrified of making a decision like this now, as when I’ve tried to move forward, plan for things, and look at making a change rather than sitting back, something goes wrong or doesn’t work out, and doesn’t give me much confidence anymore 🙁 Least I’ve always been able to say at least I tried, but maybe always trying so hard and trying to force things isn’t the way to go?

We’ll find out in a few hours when I get out of the doctors I guess.


Senior Content Development for Microsoft writing about Azure Kubernetes Service (AKS). Model train nerd. Occasionally I play video games.

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